i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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