I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
