Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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