I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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