i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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