this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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