So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..