Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
