The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish you could order shots online.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
