My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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