Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
