I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
