im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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