Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
