I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
