Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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