he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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