I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
