thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We don't watch enough power rangers
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
