On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
