im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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