I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
