Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
