How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
