none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
