too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
