I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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