omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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