I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so let's talk penis.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let's paint friendship bongs
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
