You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize