I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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