just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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