How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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