I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
