She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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