it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
