I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
