He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
