you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize