i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i love accidental penises.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
