I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Terrible idea I love it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
