It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
