it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
