you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize