Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
