woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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