hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
