she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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