I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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