I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
