Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
