You work out of a Hotel?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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