the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize