y did u give ur computer a hand job?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
