6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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