I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
