here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend