I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer