Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.