He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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