my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.