Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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