So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
