i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
