We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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